My Time Is Now

"I SMILE TOWARDS THE SUNSHINE DESPITE THE SHADOWS IT CASTS. THOUGH THE SHADOWS OF LIFE OVERWHELM ME,I LOOK TO THE REMAINING SON. NOTHING CAN COME BETWEEN THE LIGHT AND ME. I KNOW THAT I AM MADE FOR SO MUCH MORE THAN THIS..."

~Smilin' Sunshine
I believe that there comes a time in everyone's life when they have to begin to block out the opinions of others and pursue what they know God has called them to do. Forgetting fear, forgetting tears... pressing onward to the calling set before them. Growing requires a person to shatter other's ambitions for them, and instead pursue what they know is their unique purpose. Becoming your own person means leaving behind the dreams that others have conjured up for you, and instead, pursuing a reality worthy of the calling that Christ has given you. To pursue what you know you must chase after is to break the molds of sanity, to defy the laws of nature. It is to believe with faith that you are doing exactly what God has called you to do. No law of nature, or man could explain, but in your heart, you know... this is what you are called to do. Defying those standards and breaking the mold is painful. People will look at you as though you are insane. They will disapprove and continue to shove down your throat the dreams they threw away in their past. You must stand firm and let them know that you are YOU. You shine for the King. No mold can be placed around you. No matter what the precedent is that has been set before you... you are YOU. Trying to follow in the footsteps of another only leads to fallacy and broken dreams. To dream requires one to believe that there is something higher than themselves that can ultimately make those dreams a reality. There is only one “something” who can make your dreams take flight. His name is Jesus Christ. He has called you to a purpose. To live in the shadow of someone else's dreams, to become a character in someone else's story about the life they wish they had in the past, or to step into the shoes of another in attempt to please them... is ultimately the killer of individuality and purpose. Being created uniquely, and individually rightfully assumes that we also were created with a purpose that is uniquely ours. To know your purpose is one thing, but to pursue it when all those around you belittle your faith, is to win. You must block out the mocking of others, throw off your cowardly mask, and run forward to the dreams you desire to achieve. Living your life trying to please others is to live a lie. No one will ever be fully pleased or satisfied with the way you chose to live your life. This is why you must live every day as though your Savior was taking you home to be with Him. In the end, no one but Him is judging you. So why then do we care about pleasing those around us? We shouldn't care. However, this is not to cast off the call to be above reproach, however, you must not continually be striving for the approval of others, only the approval of Christ.  Do not let your guard falter, you must still stand as an example of Christ, blocking out the opinions others hold, and giving your opinions to Christ's plan.  The time will come in your life when you must break the mold, cast away those who degrade you, and instead pursue what you know you have been uniquely called to do. That time is different for everyone.

My time is now.

~Radiant Ragamuffin

"I did this just for you."

"Grab them with passion. Win them with love. Hold them with holiness. Challenge them with truth. Amaze them with God." 

        Today was a good day :) There's nothing like not falling asleep until 5:30 a.m. AGAIN. But, something set last night apart from the rest :) I GOT MARRIED! That's right.... I am now the proud, Mrs. Tyler Sullins. BAH! Love that kid :) Seriously we skyped for what seemed like forever. Thanks for the awesome smiles and accents, ty :) I have never talked for such a long period of time in a British accent. Twas Mahvelous! So.... after skyping for like five million years, I finally drifted off to Dreamland around 5:30, and woke up at 1:00... as usual. 

        Work was lovely, as well :) I swear, I just feel like such a little kid when I go to work there... it's so awesome! The kids truly bring out the best in me, and I am so blessed by them :) Today we painted star ornaments that we made out of popsicle sticks :) I made one too, and by gum... it's adorable! I'll bring it home tomorrow after work, and take a pic for y'all to see! 

        Today one of my co-workers told me about how a little 2nd grader was sent home by his teacher, and was psychologically evaluated because of a drawing he had done in class during art time. The teacher told them to draw a picture of what christmas means to them, and the little boy drew a picture of Jesus dying on the cross. The teacher sent him to the office, and had him tested for psychological problems. They said that since the child drew x's over the eyes (to symbolized that He had died), He was being violent and could harm another student. Well, honestly, among many other issues that this teacher has.. I think she needs to have a little lesson in just how violent Christ's death was. Who is she to say that x's over Jesus' eyes on the cross is violent? The second part to the story is that when the child was asked about the picture, he said that it was actually him on the cross. He said, "It's because Jesus died for my sins, so it's kinda like me being up there too." WOW. Powerful.  If only we could all be so bold as to imagine ourselves on the cross with Jesus, because in reality.... we should have been up there too. Our sins are so numerous and filthy, yet He took them all upon Himself, so that through His blood we could be set free. This little kid's story of unashamed passion and love for the Lord blessed me so much today. I only pray that I am blessed to have a beautiful, beaming baby of the Lord, who reflects His beauty and magnificence in such a pure way. <3

On my mind:

mercy

grace

cbu

sleep

scrubs

science

patience

diligence

students

family

love

christmas

memories

hugs

.THE.END.

        I seriously have really enjoyed blogging, because it is sooo therapeutic, and relaxing. I enjoy unwinding at the end of the day and reflecting on everything I was blessed to have endured today. Truly, I didn't deserve another day to live today.... but guess what... I woke up, took a breath and lived!  Tomorrow is Wednesday... what that means, I don't know. But, I guess thats the joy in life :) The mystery of not knowing what tomorrow holds, and knowing that throughout it, you are given multitudes of opportunities to shine for the One who shines brighter that even the most beautiful sunrise imaginable :) I can't wait to wake up tomorrow, take a deep breath, and sparkle <3 

  Every gift reveals god’s love, but no gift reveals His love more than the gifts of the cross. They came not wrapped in paper, but in passion. not placed around a tree, but a cross, And not covered with ribbons, but sprinkled with blood. 

   Pause and listen. Perchance you will hear Him whisper:

"I did this just for you."

~Radiant Ragamuffin

Lady GaGa... man/female/human/animal?? Who knows.

Well, today I got caught in a "Bad Romance".... with a little place I like to call, Wendy's.

Blast you amazing fries, crisp and refreshing coke, and wonderful chicken sandwich.

Thanks to you, I am now 5 pounds heavier, have horrible acne, am the proud owner of greasy hair... and have no friends.

No, but really... I am so in love with that freaking devil of a food establishment.

See, even she's sick of seeing me there. Poor thing.

        So, you know that one song about the 5 golden rings, piper's who piped, the birds that called... etc?? Ya, well that sums up my day at work today :) I am gonna miss working at a school so much. Today was music day, so we were deciding which Christmas carols to teach the kids. Most of them think they're too cool for school, so they didn't want to do it... meanwhile, the younger kids were in a mean game of connect four... which meant there were no Christmas Carols sung by the kids. BUT WAIT! I just said that the kids didn't sing.... that doesn't mean that us adults didn't have a good old time singing our lungs out! :) Not only did we sing "The 12 Days Of Christmas" like perfect angels... bbbbuuutttt, we for sure found the karaoke online!!!!!!!!!!! Needless to say, I was very happy :)

        Tonight I went to din din with my friend Alex, who I haven't seen in a while :) It was awesome... and ooofff course, I NEVER go to Denny's without getting mozzarella sticks :) (complete with RANCH!) yayyyyy Denny's :) Love that place, I don't care what you think!

        Could you tell that I had absolutely nothing to write about tonight??? I'll leave you with this....

I'm yours.

~ Radiant Ragamuffin

        

Dear Insomnia, you suck.

I should be sleeping, instead of keeping
These late hours I've been keeping
And even though I'm feeling so right
I'm so happy,still I know
I should be sleeping,'stead of thinkin' about you.


What was this Radiant Ragamuffin thinking about until 5:30 a.m. last night/morning, that kept her from falling asleep?? 

Answer it correctly, and you get a cookie.

That's a lie. 

        But seriously.... I could not sleep for everything within me. I was so angry. I have so many thoughts running through my head right now, it's ridiculous :( I know that my number one thing that is making me lose sleep is my excitement about going back to CBU. I know this, because it totally isn't the first time i've had insomnia in my life. The only other time I had it, was the month before I moved into CBU as a freshman. I guess my brain just has a hard time turning off at night, when I'm excited.

Mmmmk, so there are only about 4 reasons why my insomnia last night was not all that awful....

1) There were tons and tons and tons of back to back wedding shows on tv... (goodness I love weddings soooo much, they make me so happy) 

2) I cleaned my bathroom, and now it's spotlessly perfect (except for when my brother leaves his boy undiesss on the floor... no comment) 

3) I baked some chocolate chip cookies around 3:00 (yeah, like I needed the extra calories) 

4) I was able to be someone's wakeup call at 4:30, which was really awesome cuz it was a big day for them :) I'm so glad I got to be the first person they talked to in the morning.... too bad they don't even remember it ;p 

        .... I finally fell asleep, and then came morning... La La La I was soooooooo tired when I woke up.... but oh well, I knew that was gonna happen :) The day was pretty blah... nothing big, just relaxed and ran some errands. Took some possible Christmas pics tonight... haha those were a triippp! :) Here's 2 of the favorites... though, we're only using the smiling one :)

        <3 my brother :) after we took our pics, we decided to go on a froyo date to yogurt world :) After some amazing frozen yogurt, and a good butt kickin' in Uno Spin, Coop and I headed over to Rite Aid for some good ol' Rite Aid style entertainment :) I swear, I could spend hours in Rite Aid, Walgreens or CVS, just to kill time :) I love those stores haha :) I'm such a geek... and I love it :)

        SLEEP? What's that? Something I should probably try to get now :/ Welp, folks... Chelsea Marie is tuckered out, and needs to catch her flight to the clouds :) Sorry this blog was rather boring... maybe you smiled a time or two. Mission completed! Goodnight world! (hopefully) :/

P.S. Mr. Inventor Of Skype... I am very happy right now, thanks to you :) Nuff said. :)

~Radiant Ragamuffin

"...She was probably on Slumdog Millionaire."

... pitter patter ... pitter patter ... pitter patter ...
Oh, Mr. Rain, how I love thee!
But how much more do I love the one who placed you in the sky?
Much, much more.
<3

It is December 12, 2009, and I have reached a milestone in my life...
        I went to Ihop at night time... who'da thunk it??? Seriously, I could have sworn that they only served breakfast. Shows how much I know. BAH. Although I could hardly understand our Indian waitress, I enjoyed my time with my family, cousins, and everyone. We even decided that she was probably on Slumdog Millionaire, so we shouldn't judge her. I think that was  good choice for all of us :) .... But really, I had mozzarella sticks (yeah, whats new... anyone who knows me knows that I am so IN LOVE with cheese... especially in the breaded and fried form) ... wow that was quite a tangent, anywayssssss... they were really good, and I did not regret my choice one bit :) Sidenote: Mozzarella sticks are WAAYYY better with Ranch, than with marinara (but then again... what isn't better with Ranch? :)
        Alright, soooo my day. Well, today was one one of those days that just made me smile at numerous times throughout it :) I didn't get much sleep last night, considering the fact that I have become an insomniac, due to my excitement towards going back to CBU :) Honestly, I can not even express my excitement about going back :) I could try, but it would probably take up like 7 gazillion pages, and I don't think you want to sit here and read that. So back to my day... I didn't get much sleep, so I was hoping to sleep in a bit... my plan was sucker punched to the floor when my mom came into my room at like 10:30, asking me to go on a bagel date with her. I love the woman more than life itself... but by gum! I wanted to sleep! ... needless to say, I can never turn down a mommy-chelsea date, especially not one that includes round bread and soft cheese :) We ate our bagels with some extra company this morning, because our friend who used to babysit me when I was like 3, was there. It was really awesome because she talked with me a lot about nursing, and really encouraged me to not give up, and to push through to my goal. 
        I was really happy after our talk this morning, and carried that joy throughout Vons, with my mama :) I love my mom sooo much, because she is one of the only people in the world who will walk through a grocery store with me, talking obnoxiously loud, in British accent, while reading labels of food items. But it goes beyond that... I know I am her daughter... because we both began singing the song on the radio in the store, at the exact same time.... and consequently begin to dance at exactly the same moment as well. Yes, we danced in the cereal aisle for what I think was a good 3 minutes or so. HAHAHA. Did I mention, I love her? It got even better when this lady walked past us and gave us the death stare. I couldn't help but want to say to her, as she walked away, "yeah that's right... you take your cream of wheat and git on outta here...  you Grinch, you!"
        I decided today that if I was a flamboyantly gay guy, today would have been a wonderful day for me. This is because the whole cycle 12 of America's Next Top Model was "marathon-ed" on Bravo. It was pure bliss :) Raining outside, watching an ANTM marathon with my mommy while she cooked sugar cookies in the oven... superb! 
        Tonight my family went out to El Cajon to see my cousin's dance performance. It was a Michael Jackson tribute, complete with moon walks, high wadder pants, and yes... plenty of crotch grabbing. Michael Jackson, you were a silly man. hahaha. Needless to say, it was a great show, and I was really proud of my cousin! One girl did her own version of the "Gravity" dance from So You Think You Can Dance, that Kayla and Kupono did. That song is one of my favorites, and it is sooo beautiful. Her dance was beautiful, and really touched me. Way to go girl! The rain was lovely to walk out into, from the theatre... my aunt even managed to capture some candids of me frolicking in it haha... exhibit A:

        That was fun :) We went to Denny's with my Aunt and Uncle, and cousins... which like you read earlier, was fun :) Driving home in the rain was relaxing and lovely :) In fact, as I write this, my window is open, the rain is pouring, I have a candle burning next to me, and Brooke Fraser singing to me... beautiful. I think its bed time for me... 2:00ish... yeah, far too late. "Goodnight my someone", goodnight my friends, and goodnight world. May you sleep peacefully and sweetly tonight. Chelsea Marie... OVER AND OUT!

P.S. thanks for making me smile today :)

~ Radiant Ragamuffin

Blogging? What's that?

        Oh, goodness... It's about time I started one of these things. I seriously am not one to write in a journal, or diary... but seeing as I am about to enter a crazy next few (more like 5 or so) years in my life, I feel like starting to blog may be a good thing for me. I mean, how awesome will it be to be able to read back and see what God was doing in my heart in that specific time in my life? I'm not even sure if anyone will read this... but even if it is just my parents, to check up on me, and see if I'm still alive at school, that's good enough for me :)
        See, I don't do this often, so I'm not even sure where to start... I guess I can just go off on why exactly I decided to do this.... In one word, I can explain my reasoning behind wanting to journal the next five or so, years of my life... NURSING. Yes, ladies and gents... that's right... Chelsea Marie has changed her major, and is now studying to be a nurse :) Crazy, right?? Honestly, it all hit me like a whirlwind... so I don't expect anyone to quite understand it all. I guess you can say that it wasn't exactly my idea in the first place. But rather the idea of a puppeteer, who sees me as His priceless puppet. He tugged gently at my heartstrings, poured within me a desire to lead people to His glory, and save them both physically and spiritually. He's kinda funny how He works that way. So quietly, that often times, we count what He says as unimportant. I think this is because, unless He loudly and boisterously lets us know what He wants us to do... we ignore what He says. Because somehow, for some reason, we think that what He has to say is unimportant, unless proclaimed louder than our ears can handle. Why is this? I feel like for so long I decided to take settle for what others seemed to think I would be good at, and what I felt would be easier than other majors. Settling for less than Gods best, that's what I did. Granted, I had always held a special place in my heart for kids, and teaching... but to tell you the truth, I always knew that somewhere, doing something else, I could make more of a difference in the world, but more so... in someone's heart.

        I wanted so badly to be Kingdom minded, and to further God's Kingdom in every way that I possibly could. I know that teachers have such an impact of the lives of children, but for me, I want to serve Lord and further His kingdom in another area. Anyways... I have come to realize that the medical field is where God wants me. But goodness, it hasn't been easy to do. In order to completely follow the calling the Lord has for you... you must cast off anything that inhibits you from doing so. In my life, this primarily meant a social life... and theatre :( I realized though, that it would be foolish of me, to put off what God is calling me to do, for a two month long rehearsal/show process. I love theatre, and the family I have made at CBU through it... but there is something to be said for giving up what you love most, to run full fledged, with nothing pressing you down, to the will of God. I have to leave theatre and a social life, because the nursing program at Cal Baptist is not exactly a stroll down easy street lol. 

        But enough about that, in short, I know that these upcoming years will be a struggle, which will require submission, which in turn will result in splendor because I will wake up every day, knowing that at my job, God is able to do His finest work through me in the lives of people who desperately need Him. My Dad said it beautifully when He wrote this to me... "Be His hands to those who can't reach out. Be His feet for those who can't walk. Be His eyes to those who can't see. Be His strength to those that need comforting. Be His arms when the hurting need a hug. Be His smile to those that need encouragement. Be His Life when all around you people are searching for theirs. Love, Daddy."  Honestly, I can not think of a better way to put it. Well, anyways.... can you tell that I'm just a little bit excited to start this new adventure?? :) I can't wait :) And I think that through the struggles, submission and splendor... it will be wonderful to write my heart here, to look back on and reminisce about. 

        Well, I'm thinking thats enough for tonight. Seeing as, I've kept you reading for about 5 centuries :) See ya tomorrow, world... but for now... I have a one way ticket to dreamland and back! Don't wanna be late for my train! Buh bye, and blessings!

~ Radiant Ragamuffin